Log in

No account? Create an account

October 2013



RSS Atom
Powered by LiveJournal.com

Oct. 3rd, 2013

oh well..

Somethimes, in the dead of night, I sit there and mourn people who knew nothing about me...

Apr. 15th, 2013

Porcelain Doll

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

Jan. 3rd, 2012


What is your favorite quote?

"you don´t always need to finish what you start; sometimes starting it was bad enough"

Dec. 23rd, 2011


Tonight, I hat a strange nightmare. An old fiend of me made fun of me in a Youtube- video. It made me so angry that I grabbed into the screen and hit her with a pole.

when I woke up, I felt terrible. We don´t talk to each other anymore. I don´t even understand WHY! I mean, what ever she thinks, I might have done, I can´t have, because I can´t "send" "energies" to hurt people. And even if I could, I never would. I don´t have such power over people and I don´t want it. The worst is, when I asked her what I supposedly had done to whom, she wouldn`t even answer me.

I don´t understand that whole thing at all. We were never as close as I would have liked us to be. She didn´t liked it when people asked her personal questions, and I tried to respect that. we never got as close as I would have liked. Just people who talked when there was nothing better to do.

What did she gain from this kind of break up? And why, nearly 2 years later, do I get nightmares from it? I haven´t thought about it for more than half a year...
Maybe because I´m finally fairly happy with very little problems and worries and my brain thinks that´s a good time to go back to hurtful things to relive them?

Aug. 8th, 2011


What childhood toy did you desperately want that your parents refused to give you? Do you still think about getting one?

when I was five, I desperately wanted a plush-sheep, about my size back then. My mom refused and got me a really small one, which my older brother threw into a local river. To this day, I´m waiting for him to apologize and buy me a new one.

Mar. 3rd, 2011

(no subject)

I am sure, everybody has some really dear friends, I am sure there are no people whom have never loved someone dearly.
But sometimes, you loose people. You just go in differed directions, you walk differed parts - sometimes without noticing- and then you get to a point where you notice that someone you loved or maybe still love, doesn´t care for you anymore. What can you do? Back when I was younger- more stupid, I would have thrown a Temper tantrum, would have cursed the persons linage or would have tried to hate them. Now, a little more grown up, a little wiser, I´m siting with unshed tears and try to comprehend WHERE exactly we have started to break apart, where my fault lies and what I could have doe to prevent it. What was it that wend wrong exactly? Was it inevitable? Was it my fault, for being who I am? I once really loved this Person, and now I notice that she doesn´t consider me important anymore. I´m not Family, just someone you spare about half an hour, only because... what exactly? So you don´t have to tell me to fuck off? Or is it not intentional? But i´s so PAINFULLY obvious to me that we drifted apart... It hurts so fucking much... It claws at me and I can´t cry, can´t be angry. You were one of the people I loved, deep down, I trusted you, you´re one of the first People I EVER trusted enough to be honest with. Now I´ve lost you and I don´t know why!
I will still love you, silently, secretly, because you were one of those who saved my ass back then, shoved me back onto a way, gave me an shoulder to cry on, a hand and you always gave me advice.
I´m going to on living without you. I have to, but right this second, I don´t want to...
But I will, regardless.
Just, for tonight, I will try to cry over the loss. Bare with me, let me feel a little sorry for myself...

Feb. 8th, 2011

Hello World!

A greeting to the world out there. a fried just more or less bugged me into coming here. It´s more likely then not, that this side will be horribly neglected, but o well.
I might or might not post some Fanarts and/or Fanfictions here, but no promises!

O well, we will see!